Last November

so I posted this blog on myspace, now I'm posting it here. I wrote my heart out in it without going over board.. I tend to do that...

it's crazy how time treats you.

A year ago I was an aspiring nursing student, now i'm just trying to get my associates.

A year and two days ago I drove to Sentara Leigh, it was a Monday Morning, and i had the newspaper in my passenger seat. I was wearing my white scrubs, white shoes and stupid blue apron. I woke up that morning to a ring on my cell phone. It was him, the man i said good bye to only 6 or so hours before. I was thrilled he called, but at the same time i didn't want to say goodbye again. It was Matthew. The night before we drove onto base, i had to hide in the back of his jeep under his seabag because i don't have a military ID and visitors aren't allowed after dark.

we got to the pier, without speaking a single word to each other.. talking would only provoke tears. we got out of the jeep, opened the back hatch and unloaded his bags. as soon as his last bag hit the ground he gave me that look..

The "I guess this is it" look. oh how i hate that look. the flood gates opened and i didnt want him to see me cry, so i wrap my arms around his waist and bury my head into his chest. "I dont want you to go" i told him.

it was a little too late for that. I thought to myself, while looking at the other women in the parking lot, how do they do it? How did my sister do this more than once??

So he grabbed his seabag, and i grabbed his bookbag, and we walked towards the ship.. or should i say Matts Mistress. We got to the gate of no return. and we didnt say our goodbyes but "I'll see you soon."

eight months is a very long time i thought. by the time he left we'd been dating for only a year and 9 months, and it felt like 8 months was longer than that! he kissed me goodbye and walked to his new home: a barrack with 100's of beds, in stacks of three, with a mattress pad no more than 2 inches thick.

i walked back to his jeep, trying my best to keep my composure... no body needs to be driving someone elses car and get in a wreck thanks to blurry eyes, and a depressed hormonal driver. I got home and went straight to bed, cried for hours. then my phone rang, it was him!

He called me after he mustered to tell me he loves me and to hear my voice one last time. the ship wasn't to pull out until morning, he'd try to call me again. and he did.

i couldn't read the newspaper before i walked into the hospital to work that day, so i waited until the end of the day. no one likes a student nurse who is hormonal with puffy eyes!

a year and two days later, i see him every day. he has his own home, with one bed, and a extremely comfortable matress with pillowtop. i can hear his voice every day and i also get kisses on a regular basis. no more boat food for him, and the one thing that both of us were deprived from while he was gone... no not sex. geez get your head out of the gutter!! but each others companionship.

there is talk about another cruise for him, and he has the option to do a split tour and change commands and not go on cruise, but i learned a lot while he was gone. i met some really great people, and not so great people. some who are dear to my heart and some who i will remember forever.

My sister has been through many many many deployments in a very short lived time. I envy her relationship with her husband, but at the same time she is my role model, I want my relationship to be like hers. I never look forward to Matt being deployed, but I do look forward to the challenge the Navy has for us loved ones here at home.

A year and two days ago was suite possibly the worse day in my life, but I am happier than I have ever been before today.